Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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