A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
