Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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