When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
