Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
