:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
