there's paper in my vomit.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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