I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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