I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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