What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
