all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
