Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I supernannyed him into submission
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
