I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
