sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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