Sponge bath it is.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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