i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
The air taste purple.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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