We're facebook friends in real life
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
