Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
