I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
birth control should be required to get into college
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
