...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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