Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
