Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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