If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
