First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
