You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
