By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize