So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
