it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I AM VODKA MAN
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
