Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
