I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
