my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
