Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
