Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
