Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think my moral compass just broke
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
