It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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