You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
