I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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