do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
