careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
