Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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