I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
