i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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