i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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