How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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