i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
