I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize