im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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