counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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