I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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