is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
