I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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