I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
