Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
