remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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