I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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