I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
