they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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