You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
