I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
