I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
