shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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