My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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