My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
