Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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