Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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