Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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