just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
