just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
