Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
