she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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