I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
