is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
