eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
