I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize