yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize