i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
