woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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